Welcome to Huw Le Lytle’s column of wit and wisdom, For the Asking!
As a Bedlington gentleman of impeccable character and taste, Huw is ready to impart his wisdom and share his love. He’s Huw for the asking!
Huw’s for the asking!
BY Huw Le Lytle
In today’s questions …
Snuggles, Cuteness, Cooking, and Goop!
Q: Hi Huw. My Mama would like to know what she has to do to get you to Yorkshire for a Beddie-snuggle? You would have thought snuggles with me were enough really wouldn’t you?! Thank you in anticipation. Love and licks.
– Linus (Fellow Bedlington and pillow plumping champion), Yorkshire, UK
A: Dear Linus, thank you for your question and lovely invitation. I agree that it is of the utmost importance to snugify the ones you love with conscientious regularity. In fact, I think the most important space in any home is the snuggery. For me, the snuggery is the window-seat-sofa assemblage in the Lookout Library, or the pillow proliferation in the Wreck Room. One can fashion a snuggery anywhere with an appropriate abundance of soft furnishings and fluffy toys. And yes indeed, I would certainly be delighted to visit Yorkshire for snuggles. Unfortunately, unlike Leo, I don’t have my driver’s licence so I won’t be able to borrow his Furrari. But perhaps Human can escort me there on a train some time. Do you know if the most impressive Clifford’s Tower is dogfriendly? And is the learned York Trivia League still meeting? I could join a team!
Q: Dear Huw, how do you maintain optimum levels of cuteness, and how does it feel to be the undisputed cutest in the world?
– Stephanie, Norfolk
A: Dear Stephanie, that is indeed an interesting question and I thank you for it and for the compliment. I think a big part of it is my gentlemanly demeanour. Although I had somewhat humble beginnings, dogs are indeed born for a social life, and I have blossomed in mine. Did you know that cuteness is also a scientific term, so my status is in fact supported by science. I believe my learned friend, Konrad Lorenz, developed this idea. So there is possibly no escaping my cuteness, even when I get a haircut. Speaking of hair, personal grooming is an essential element of my cuteness and I am confident that my styling is a big contributing factor. Not to take away from my genetic predisposition to cuteness, of course, it is simply enhancing the undeniable. When it comes to hair, it is important not to look too cultivated so as to seem merely ornamental, and I think no-one could accuse me of that! Therefore, I tend to adopt what might be considered a more extravagant hairstyle than perhaps is the tradition. As they say, “Let the hair suit the occasion,” and so my hair is always ready for snuggles. And of course, there is the essential feature of all philosophers – the beard. And so, as a wise and learned Bedlington, I lean towards the timeless connection between a full beard and literary style. And so my facial hair is somewhat reminiscent of the cutest philosopher of all, Grizzly Adams. His philosophy was at one with mine – never hurt animals. Plus, he had a big bear as a friend, like my pal Finnegan. So you see, Grizzly Adams was the cutest.
Q: Dear Huw, I have a question. How do you make Welsh Rabbit?
– Kathy, Fairmont, West Virginia
A: Dear Kathy, thank you for your question about the very important culinary invention, Welsh Rabbit. Did you know it is also called Welsh Rarebit, but this is actually the later, corrupted term. It is, in fact, Rabbit! As a proud Welsh lad, you would think I would know. But I never cook, I simply request. However, I do know, because I am a huge supporter of cheese and all things cheesy. It is actually a kind of fancy cheese toastie. You can add some things like mustard. But it is mostly just lots of cheese and some tomatoes and basil and bread. Delicious! And it is said to originate from South Wales, just like I do! Contrary to the title (and to the relief of Human), there is no rabbit in Welsh Rabbit. It’s a bit like the turtle in mock-turtle soup, which is coincidentally the inspiration for the Mock Turtle in Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland. I could never understand why he is depicted as a turtle in the drawings, however, even though he used to be a real turtle. I suppose that is a philosophical question to ponder on another day.
Q: Dear Huw, you must know this answer since you lived with Finnegan Otterhound. How do I clean Otterhound goop off my ceilings?
– Es, Knoxville, Tennessee
A: Dear Es, what a lovely question. I think the best advice is to allow it to set like concrete. After the goop has set, there is minimal risk of a head injury from suddenly dropping on an unsuspecting victim sitting below. It also means you can achieve some wonderful shabby chic effects on the ceiling without the usual expense or effort. After a high point of ceiling roses and the like, I will admit that ceiling decorating took a bit of a dive with the inexcusable popcorn ceilings and polystyrene tiles. But decorating one’s ceiling is enjoying a design comeback, with the ceiling now called the fifth wall in any style-conscious home. So I say preserve the goop! And don’t forget to look up!
If you would like a bit of wit and wisdom from Huw, please send all your questions to Huw at firstname.lastname@example.org or use the form below. He’s Huw for the asking!