I’m Amber, and I know everything anyone needs to know about vacuuming. And that is, avoid it!

I know they are loud, not to be trusted, and should be avoided at all costs.

So my preferred human would be someone who agrees with me and thinks cleaning the house is a waste of the precious good times.

Vacuum cleaners are highly unpredictable. They go forwards and backwards. This is most alarming. Just when you think they are chasing you, suddenly they run backwards again. I think the best trick is to dart sideways and make a dash for the other room. Doesn’t matter which room. As long as it’s the other room.

Vacuum cleaners are also impossible to tire out. They say that if vacuum cleaners move too quickly, they won’t be able to suck properly. It sounds like a horror movie, doesn’t it? They move like zombies and suck up everything in their paths. You must agree with me. Vacuum cleaners are completely unnatural.

And if that isn’t enough. Sometimes they even leave the ground and climb the curtains!

So, yes, my preferred human will never vacuum. We will be too busy snuggling.

If you would like to help me eradicate vacuum cleaners from the world, please contact Friends of the Animals Wales to adopt me!