By Huw Le Lytle
(with Aubrey, Jeff, and Howard, of course)
Today is the birthday of the most important person in the world.
Today is Grand Human’s birthday.
Amazingly, there was not a public holiday to mark the occasion, not even in Australia, but we took one anyway.
Grand Human is one of the most talented people anywhere ever. Grand Human is an accomplished pianist, pharmacist, water skier (well, sort of … but this is quite amazing, as Grand Human is not an accomplished swimmer), roller skater, dodgem car co-pilot, bathroom tiler, and Lorikeet whisperer.
Grand Human never wins anything. Although this streak was broken once, when Grand Human won an iron in a raffle. Grand Human never irons. Because ironing is ridiculous.
Grand Human has also been rescuing animals since before Human was born. And so, when Grand Human and Human got together, you can just imagine … Human has always known a multi-species household.
Human was born into a house of dogs and chickens and cats and goats and horses and guinea pigs and ducks and sheep and geese and in fact all manner of farmyard bird, even peacocks (they are a bit like the reality star of the farmyard, they just walk around with perfect feathers all the time).
And Grand Human was also the hub for local wildlife rescue, because Grand Human would supply goats’
milk (which is low lactose and so it is usually safe and healthy for baby animals, unlike cows’ milk).
And Grand Human never blinked an eye when Human brought home the 22 orphan chicks from the Vet School (most of which turned out to be cockerels and used to roost on the washing line making it rather unsuitable for washing), or a paralysed goat kid (who made a full recovery), or four dogs from the research school, or the paralysed broiler hen (who also made a full recovery), or the rats from the animal lab, or the two lambs from a work placement … and the list just goes on and on and on.
And even now that Grand Human lives right in the heart of the city, all the local wildlife knows that Grand Human’s is the place to be. When Human was visiting a few months ago, there was a Bush Turkey happily walking up the middle of the street, stopping all the traffic which had ground to a crawl behind her. She was making her way from the little park at the bottom of the street (where she had her nesting mound) and right up to the top of the street. And when she got to Grand Human’s gate, she turned straight into the driveway and ran under the house into the back garden. She never even paused to think about it, not once. All the Bush Turkeys know Grand Human and the chickens (Grand Human rescues chickens … and, of course, dogs). And all the neighbours bring stray turkey chicks up to Grand Human’s as well (much to the dismay of the garden).
Grand Human can drive trucks, put up tents, tow horse floats, milk goats, shear sheep, build fences, and stand up to bullies. Grand Human is, quite frankly, awesome.
And Grand Human is simply one of the kindest people around. And dogs know. And all dogs love Grand Human. Grand Human brings the best out of all of us. And always has.
Happy birthday, Grand Human!
We love you!