Huw Le Lytle answers all your questions in his column of wit and wisdom, For the Asking!

Huw’s for the asking!

BY Huw Le Lytle

In today’s questions …

 Deluges and Delicacies,
Gadgets and Good Times

Q: Dear Huw, how do we keep the muttleys entertained on rainy days?
– Caroline, London, UK

A: Dear Caroline, this is something very close to my heart, as I am at best ambivalent about rain. My usual approach to any suggestion of a walk in the rain is as follows: first, pause for as long as possible in the doorway; secondly, maintain a sustained look of disbelief at Human; finally, if all that fails, simply refuse to move mid walk so that everyone gets wet and, hopefully, I get to be carried so I do not have to suffer the indignity of soaking wet feet. As for being entertained at home on rainy days, that is my specialty. I am a great fan of television, so I recommend a quality HD television for your pooches. I believe these can be purchased at all good retailers. You may even like to get one for yourselves, but the pooches are of course the priority here. I assume they already have their own tablets, but if not you will need to get those too. There should also be so many toys on the floor that one cannot walk around without a squeaking musical accompaniment. It allows everyone to imagine they are a character in a cartoon. I also recommend as much cardboard as you can cope with cleaning up later, as nothing beats shredding boxes on a rainy day. And finally, just in case it doesn’t go without saying, there should be so many pillows that the original shape of the sofa can no longer be recognised without expert assistance. Oh, and of course, there must be a sofa. Ideally, there should be at least three arranged in a U to accommodate wild sofa zoomies as and when the mood takes us. With all of these elements, you can be guaranteed some very happy muttleys on a rainy day. 

Q: Dear Huw, which is better, apple or cheese? Also, what is your favourite piece of technology and what is the most exciting thing to do in the park or garden?
– K, Leamington Spa, UK

A: Dear K, apple or cheese? That is indeed a difficult question, but I think I would have to say cheese. I do like apple very much, cut up for me of course. But I can overcome most obstacles for a cube of cheese. One must not have too much cheese, of course, but it is magnificent stuff.

My favourite piece of technology is probably my television. But, that said, it is probably also the central heating, as I don’t care for the cold at all. In fact, I might say the central heating is essential! So perhaps that is my favourite piece of technology. Actually, I also love the stove, because I love boiled eggs. And of course the refrigerator, because that keeps my cheese fresh. It seems this question is much more difficult than I first anticipated. I think perhaps I will still go with central heating. I am absolutely, impossibly precious when it comes to the cold.

The garden is a very fun place and my favourite thing is to sniff and potter. Sometimes Human says I have a magic portal somewhere in the garden to some other world, because I can disappear completely, and everyone wonders where I am. My garden is only modestly sized, so my disappearing act is quite an accomplishment. Anyway, Human is regularly looking for a wardrobe I may have stashed under the stairs somewhere that is taking me regularly to Narnia. Or maybe it’s like Duckett’s Passage in Goodnight Sweetheart and I am actually time travelling. Who knows? I couldn’t possibly say. But really, it’s just that my garden has lots of levels and plants and grottos, so disappearing into magical places is easy. And when I’m not exploring, I just like sitting at the top of the garden stone steps, assuming it’s not raining or cold, and shooting the breeze with the squirrels and birds. Of course, if it’s raining or cold, none of the above applies.

And when it comes to the park, apart from seeing all my friends and zoomies with my pals, I love to find the longest, greenest, coolest grass, and just sit and daydream and be happy. Being happy is best of all.

If you would like your questions answered by Huw, please send them to woof@bethatdog.com or use the form below. He’s Huw for the asking!