What does Britain’s favourite TV-viewing Parson Russell Terrier think of 8 Out Of 10 Cats, Take Me Out, Britain’s Got Talent, and Walks With My Dog?
Howard Spring reviews his week in TV!
8 Out Of 10 Cats
Last week the humans went to the taping of a show called 8 Out Of 10 Cats. So I decided to watch it to see if I could spot them. And also because it sounded like there would be cats.
Well, all four of us watched very carefully and we couldn’t find any cats. Not even one.
But one of the panelists, called Jamali, said he broke the record for spinning a pillow on his finger, but that Guinness Book of Records weren’t interested. He demonstrated on the show and he was really very good. And then all the humans on the show had to try. And then my humans tried (Human was better than Deputy). And then Jeff and I had to try. But then we discovered we had no fingers. So we decided to play tug with it instead.
There was also a discussion of cheese on the show, so that was very good. Any show with cheese gets a thumbs up from me. Although I found out I have no thumbs either. But it is still good.
Take Me Out
I watched a show called Take Me Out, but it isn’t about a dog that needs to go to the toilet. It is a show where a lot of women line up to date a not-so-eligible bachelor. Humans continue to be a mystery to me. But I think they all do it because they want to be on television, and they want to go on holiday to somewhere called Fernando’s. I think this might be a chicken restaurant, but I’m not sure. Whatever it is it must be amazing because you should see some of the bachelors.
All the women stand behind lecterns, but they are not giving lectures. I think the lecterns are there to give them something to lean against when they have to put their heads in their hands, which they do a lot, so I think it must be required by the producers. The lecterns also have lights which the women turn off if they don’t like the bachelor.
In this episode, there was a construction worker from New Zealand who fancied himself as a bit of a rock star. I think this was because he had some ironmongery hanging from one ear (I just hope it wasn’t previously holding up a building he was constructing) and the sleeves had fallen off his denim jacket.
He decided to promote himself by saying how stingy he was with his weekly shop. One of the women said she turned her light off because his wind must be terrible after eating that food. A bit like a rescue dog who’s getting over a bad diet.
I might watch this again, because flatulence can be very entertaining.
Britain’s Got Talent
They mentioned Britain’s Got Talent on 8 Out Of 10 Cats. So I decided to watch it for the first time. It was horrifying.
In this show there was a man from Japan called Tanba. He was a magician. And he started by making a balloon animal. This was very interesting because Deputy made some balloon animals recently for the Jeff Koons episode of Jeff Sessions. But much to our horror, Tanba then swallowed the balloon. This eating turned out to be the main point of the act. So Jeff of course became fascinated, because one of Jeff’s favourite hobbies is eating. But I found it all quite awful.
When we found out what he was eating I couldn’t bear to look. Especially when he started on the razor-blades.
All the judges stood up at the end of the act. Standing up means they like it a lot. Great Uncle Bulgaria sometimes stands up to eat pizza. I guess he must like it a lot too. I’m sure it’s not because I like to sit closer and closer beside him with every bite.
Walks With My Dog
This show was amazing! It has two of my favourite things – walks and dogs!
This episode also had two of Grand Human’s favourite people – Bill Bailey and Julian Clary. Julian Clary was also one of Sir Grand Human’s favourite comedians. Although maybe everyone was actually in love with Fanny the Wonder Dog, who used to star in his TV show. And Julian paid tribute to Fanny in this show too. That was very lovely. Julian Clary is also a big fan of Jack Russell Terriers, so obviously he is awesome. And another great dog lover, Kirsty Wark (who knows a lot about news), was walking with her black Labrador Retriever.
Bill Bailey was walking in Exmoor with his lovely dog Louie. Louie is a rescue dog from Indonesia and is about three years old. She was found abandoned at the side of the road when she was just a pup. She had lots of health problems but she made it and now is so lovely. Bill described Louie as feisty and tough. She sounds like my kind of rescue pup! Louie also wears a harness with the words “Pretty Girl” on it because she likes to state the obvious.
Louie went on some wonderful walks. She met some Exmoor ponies. And she also visited the amazing Liscombe Farm where the cows just turn up to milk themselves. They have a special robot, and whenever they feel like it they wander into the stall and get milked. They are very happy cows. And then their human makes the milk straight into amazing ice cream. And Bill had some ice cream, but he didn’t give any to Louie because, as he rightly said, ice cream isn’t good for dogs. Bill is a good man. And then Louie refused to fetch a stick (I quite understand this, what a lot of nonsense that is) and decided against swimming and ran off to meet a dog instead. Quite right! Louie is really fabulous.
Julian Clary was walking in the South Downs with Albert the Jack Russell Terrier X. Julian brought Albert home from the Paul O’Grady tea time show seven years ago and he has grown into such a lovely dog. Julian and Albert visited Anne of Cleves House in Lewis and the man there was very nice to Albert.
And they also went foraging, which is like when Jeff and I try to find treats.
And then they went to look at grape vines and Albert met a cat who was almost bigger than Albert! He looked fairly scared … Albert, not the cat.
And Kirsty Wark was walking around the Isle of Arran with her dog, Stella the Labrador.
Stella is 20 months old and very lovely. She got quite tired at the end of the day though, and she refused to move at one point. It was very funny. Kirsty and Stella visited Brodick Castle and in the beautiful gardens they saw a lovely memorial to all the much-loved dogs of the Duchess of Montrose. And Stella also went to the beach and met a Border Collie (Layla) who doesn’t like sheep.
This show was wonderful. It had three amazing humans. And three really amazing dogs. Now that is what I call must-see TV.